Texas Recipes: Strawberry Pizza Christmas Cookies

Saturday, December 14, 2013
I'm not a competitive person.

Truly. I'd say I'm more a participatory person. Which is why I'm running the Houston marathon in January - In no bizarre alternate universe do I truly believe I'll finish victorious with a phenomenal time. My only goal is to merely finish and live. But the reason I'm doing it is because my mom is. Hence, participation!

So when they said that there would be a dessert contest at our office holiday party this year, I of course couldn't resist.

Now. I can confidently say that I'm a decent cook. I can whip up a pretty tasty filet, and my turkey meatballs are a force to be reckoned with (recipe to come!), but baker I am not.

So I had no delusions of actually winning (especially when I found out that last year a guy made flan. FREAKING FLAN. Dear Santa: All I want for Christmas is a FLAN-MAKING husband.), but of course I wanted to participate!

I will forewarn you though that this is also a cautionary tale. But we'll get to that later.

In high school, my good friend Alex's mother used to always make strawberry pizza for our "wild" (they weren't wild) parties.

Fun Fact: Alex and I were boyfriend and girlfriend for 3 months. And part of it was in secret as we were rehearsing for "Little Shop of Horrors," and - you guessed it - I played the Audrey to his Seymour. S c a n d a l o u s .

Not-so Fun Fact: Alex, I owe you a call from like two months ago, GAH. I love you, don't hate me.

Any-HOO, I have such fond memories of this delectable dessert pizza, and it seemed pretty Kim-proof, so I decided to give it a whirl for the previously mentioned holiday office party! Instead of making it pizza-like, I actually made cookies using tree-shaped cookie cutters (though don't judge me because the trees came out looking less like trees and more like llamas.)

So let's break it down:

To start, use your very favorite sugar cookie recipe.

Or that.

Then you roll the sugar cookie dough out with your awesome rolling pin.

Or your fingers, if you don't have a rolling pin (Yeah, that was me).

But make sure you put flour down first! Everybody knows that!

(I didn't).

Then cut out your trees and put them on an un-greased pan. But don't put them too close together, because they'll come out looking like this:

And you'd rather they look like this:

(Sort of).

After they cool, spread cream cheese onto each one generously.

Then top them with your sliced up strawberries.

Sprinkle on a little (a lot) of powdered sugar.

Drop a few cookies on the floor to thank your little helper.

And voila!

It's just that easy! Seriously, if I can bake it, your toddler can. This recipe is Toddler-Proof. (Well, if your toddler is good with a stove and a knife.)

Rest assured though, I didn't make them because I'm lazy (though my Pillsbury cookie dough and mono-shaped cookie cutters beg to differ...), I made them because despite their simplicity, they're DUH-LICIOUS. Seriously, give them a whirl. Your precious theatre kids will thank me later.

But heed my warning (here's the cautionary part) - These do have to be served immediately. Otherwise, you'll take them to work in the morning, and by time the dessert contest happens in the afternoon you'll take one look at your cookies only to discover that they have turned into a pudding-esque mush. BUT! They'll still win the 3rd place prize! Because even though they took on some unknown ameoba-like form, they're still ridiculously delicious and people will be raving all day about your great strawberry shortcake!

These are so quick to make, after you're done you'll have plenty of time to finish off a bottle of wine and a bag of salt and vinegar kettle chips while watching an episode of Scandal on your Netflix! I mean, if you're into that sort of thing…


  1. Yum... these looks so damn tempting and those chopped strawberries.. just wow!

    Thanks for this great recipe :)

  2. Haha! Love this. Nice job on winning third place ;) Just a hint for next time--I don't have a rolling pin at my apartment either, so when I have to roll out dough, I cover it in plastic wrap and then use whatever cylindrical object I have lying around (a water bottle, PAM spray, an olive oil bottle) to roll it out :)


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